well, i've finally gotten my break. my finals are done and I have nothing to do tomorrow but turn in my final.

but im already so bored.
grass is always greener on the other side.


i think i want to spend christmas break about finding whats fun about life.

and that body is me.

well hmmph.


: |

Date:	2009-10-19 17:09
Subject:	got the urge for going.
Security:	Public
Mood:	gotta get outta this place!

remember what i said a while back about living instead of counting the days until i die?


well, at least i feel like i've made peace with the universe, and im not afraid to die.

however, i AM afraid of not living.

I've spent 21 goddamn years on this earth, and i have very few experiences to show for it.

Grand canyon, here I come. I really want to make my escape.

time for a new life. tired of the same old song and dance routine i do everyday.

i want to WAKE UP! I want to wonder away and never find my way back. I want to meet smart people and see far away places and live life to the very fullest. So hard to do with a husband and 2 children--that's how i feel at least.

oh responsibility. what a terrible thing you are.



When I awoke today and found the frost had perched on the town
It hovered in a frozen sky and gobbled summer down
And when the wind turns traitor cold
And shivering trees are standing naked in a row
I get the urge for going but I never seem to go

And I get the urge for going
When the meadow grass is turning brown
And the summertime is falling down
And winter's closing in

I had a girl in summertime with summer colored skin
And not another man in town my darling's heart could win
But when the leaves fell tremblin' down
Bully winds did rub their faces in the snow
She got the urge for goin', and I had to let her go ...

And I get the urge for going
When the meadow grass is turning brown
And the summertime is falling down
And winter's closing in

Now the warriors of winter give a cold triumphant shout
All that stays is dying, all that lives is getting out
See the geese in chevron flight
Flapping and a-racing off before the snow
They got the urge for going and they've got the wings to go ...

And I get the urge for going
When the meadow grass is turning brown
And the summertime is falling down
And winter's closing in

tool was basically an amazing experience.


i wish i had been on acid, though. :) seems like that would be the best way.

I feel like if there was a supreme being, it would be concerned about how we treated the earth foremost.



Walking and summer classes are very, um, wonderful. I feel very happy about them, and happy to be alive.
steak n shake, however, has got me down. Or maybe its the dumb 18 year old girl who wouldn't stop bitching,

school starts tomorrow.
just glad to have something to focus on.

the end of the world as we know it.



its like a bad trip.

makes you wonder why we do anything. we're just passing time until the end of the world.

Date:	2009-06-20 14:52
Subject:	Summertime, and the livin's easy....
Security:	Public
Mood:	content

Meg's bday: check
anna's bday: check
Kings Island: check
DCI:
Summer School:
Incubus:
TOOL:
Chicago:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




yesss. what a fun time i have left of this year, how fast its flown by. ah well, time flies when you're having fun I guess.
ilovesummerilovesummerilovesummer
i want more tan. i want to swim. i want to live this summer up, yo! what little I have left.


Thinking maybe a party on monday...?

So, here I am again, off work and tired. I have to be there tomorrow at 1030am-800pm. But thats ok, I need the dollars.


Sometimes, I wish I could just run away,and land in California or Colorado or Canada. I wanna see some place new. I mean, its so cool getting to visit my parents, because I'm always checking something out. But still, I want to see the world, and I've been feeling very stuck where I am. Not even comfortably stuck, where I can go do fun things. Just stuck in the same old routine.

I need to feel like I'm actually alive, and stop counting down the days til I die.


I'm not sure how to accomplish the above statement.

Date:	2009-05-29 01:33
Subject:	even-tempered-mood.
Security:	Public
Mood:	i get the urge for goin'...

I am chillin. In a clean house! woot.

I have a long day tomorrow. Hopefully, It'll go by fast, and hopefully, I won't get fired. please, don't ask.

Sometimes I feel like a bad person, but I think thats ok. I'm only human.



I really need a change of scenery. My clean house helps with that, actually. But I would so dig a job closer to my house and with easier hours. I think I am going to try and call up the olive garden in Lex and try to get on in Richmond. I've said I was going to leave SNS before, and I haven't, but lately I feel stagnant, and I really need to try something else for a while. I am unsure because I make lots of money at steak n shake and have the potiential to make lots of money. But I know theres got to be more out there, and theres got to be something else I can try. But then again, grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. I really need to get away from 18 and 19 year olds too. They have dumb ideas about things and do stupid things and I need to socially detach myself away from young (grade school aged) people, especially if I am going to be a teacher. Plus, after this summer, I am going to try and sub.

I really need to stick with my idea to change. Change is good. good good good.

Date:	2009-05-27 12:03
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	chillin' illin' illin'

i am a dumb girl.
i wish i could take my brain out, stomp on it, and put it back in without the emotions. i hate them. i think i would rather feel no emotions than sad ones.

my back still hurts today, which is bringing me down. like, bringing me down bad. it makes me feel old, and helpless and it hurts so bad sometimes it makes me cry. nothing has helped so far. I need to lose weight, I think that might help. Then again, I may have injured myself picking up something heavy at work. either way, i hope the doctor knows how to fix it. I am almost to the point of going to the urgent care center, because I don't know if I can make it til the 4th.

i am now entering my 6th straight day of work. wouldn't be so bad if my bones worked.

so, im really not as emo today as it sounds. just somethings in my life that I have to witness that I don't like to witness. but i have to remember that things change and nothing lasts forever, so this too shall pass and life will still go on.

life goes on. thats kind of comforting in a strange way.

cant wait for incubus. or dci. or anything else that may be fun. i wish it was sun-shiny today.

Date:	2009-05-26 10:53
Subject:	subwaysubwaysubwaysubway
Security:	Public
Mood:	good moods.

so last night was such a good time. see my fb for pics.
we met a new girl, a new boy and mingled with the old crowd, which i love dearly.
I really do love getting together and having a good time with friends.


my next day off, I want to go explore nature:) maybe for megs birthday, or anna's birthday, or just anyday when i don't have to be at work til late. its fuckin summer, bitches, and i want to take advantage of the earth.

so i am un-emoed today. its marvelous.
my bones don't ache as much today, and i think its because I got new work shoes, so im not having to catch my balance when I slip on water and grease. and i think they support my bodeh.

i work early tomorrow, and im doing laundry now. talk about getting it done. woot.

Date:	2009-05-24 03:37
Subject:	close your eyes and I'll kiss you... tomorrow I'll miss you (:
Security:	Public
Mood:	having pain in my bones.
Music:	my bones hurt!!

here I am again with an achin' back. my bones are being tortured by some little demons and it makes my soul cry.
dramatic? yea.
i work at 10:30. yeah, yikes its like 7 hours from now. but i just got off work about an hour ago. oh dear oh dear. hopefully my achin will have subdued by then. and i can make many dollars.

my life is dull and gray today. man i'm emo lolololol

i don't get another day off til june 1st. thats meg's bday. it will be glorious every way you cut it.

i cant wait to give presents to meg and anna. for real. but these presents are not their birthday presents.

so, my lj is saying nothing. i need to go to bed. but i need to wind down.






all a girl needs is her pitbull and her daddy. for real. and maybe a little bit of rock n roll. :D

Date:	2009-05-22 23:18
Subject:	can't think of a good title today.
Security:	Public
Mood:	life is pointless.

so, im sitting on the couch, after work and my back is achin.
got back from illinois yesterday with presents for my roomies and some cool pictures.
i was supposed to work a double today, but ended up giving it up. i worked from 1130-5 and went home. i should have stayed longer, i know, its been eating at me all day long, but i was so lazy and didn't want to be there. my back hurts and im wasting my life away at sns.



blelch.
but i guess i feel ok. doug wants to go to walmart, but my back hurts and i don't want to go stand around while doug looks at stuff. he's making so much money at the hut, it makes me jealous. and he gets to do it driving around. sigh.









i guess the ol' lifes got me bummed out tonight. its ok. it happens sometimes.

i am so happy i don't have to be at work til 7. its pretty grand, really. i am chilling in the quietness of an empty house, all except for me,seb and some pizza boxes.

i really should clean. and i want to go the the tanning bed. but i can't bear to go without meg.
and i feel like being lazy, so i dont want to clean.








oh what a conundrum.

Date:	2009-05-16 02:40
Subject:	good god, bless my soul; i need a fix of rock n' roll...
Security:	Public
Mood:	rock n' roll will never die

so, i made that a semi colon, but i dont know if that was the right thing to do or not. i guess ill know after my grammar class next semester.




anyway, on the way home from work i was listening to skid row. now, the music magazines classify them as heavy metal. however, i'd consider them rock n roll. and by god, skid row is a goddamn good rock n roll band. and more anti-corporate and political than you might think. they have meaningful songs and good lyrics as well as some funky riffs. i think i'll listen to skid row for the rest of my life. they make me feel young and bad ass.



thats right. bad ass.


I gotta punch the clock that
Leads the blind
Im just another gear in the assembly
Line - oh no

The noose gets tighter around
My throat
But I aint at the end of my rope cause
I wont be the one left behind
Cant be king of the world
If youre slave to the grind
Tear down the rat racial slime
Cant be king of the world
If youre slave to the grind




isn't that bad ass?????? yes. yes it is. totally TOTALLY BAD ASS!!!!!

Date:	2009-05-15 14:26
Subject:	tribute to the before work nap.
Security:	Public
Mood:	before work nap time.

just got back from the dog park, and my pooch is pooped. hes crashed out on doug's lap, and i am ready to take a before work nap.

so this is my tribute to the before work nap:

i love you peaceful
dreamy land of no worries
for the time being anyway
oh dreamy scape of happiness
and easy-peazy
lemon squeezy
let me push snooze just
one last time




i love megan and miss her already.
of course i love all of you too. but megan the most.

Date:	2009-05-15 01:50
Subject:	its the same thing, even if you think its different....
Security:	Public
Mood:	grouch moment.

So, sometimes (and by sometimes, I mean generally) I dont like to party with people I don't know that well. I mean, we all have our oober sociable moments where we love it, and I am no different. But sometimes, I like to drink a little with the girls in my life, and that be the end of it.
Tonight I drank some with Megan and Ashley, and Doug got angry. Doug has gotten tipsy many times while I was at work, with other people. I mean, for a while I came home from work almost every night and he was drinking with someone. But when I do it, for some reason its different and ok to get upset at me for.
And then, If I were to be partying with a bunch of people and Doug didn't want to party with them, I'd be the bad person. I would be doing something wrong. Well, when he does it, its ok because he's been at work all night.
I mean, I know he's not doing anything wrong. And I know that its necessary to party and have fun, and I should just stifle my stupid feelings. Besides, I'm totally invited and could easily pop over and hop in a game of beer pong, and plan to another night. Granted I shouldn't have gotten drunk earlier, if I had planned on partying next door. But I didnt know there would be such a party, and, if it means anything, its difficult to get to sleep when the party that you dont want your boyfriend at, is right next door. hahaha
well, i've demanded him home, and I'm not going to have negative feelings about it. I mean, I can't have negative feelings about him being there AND him being here, you know? I just need to be happy with something, and chill.
I want doug to have fun. I really do, but he doesn't think so. I just am easily irritated, and I mean, I don't think any girl would want their boyfriend partying with a bunch of girls neither of them know. Is that unreasonable.


life really is good. sometimes, i just have a little spaz moments. and thats kind of ok, i guess. cause im human.